math

My friend recently pointed out, insighfully:

crutches + coffee = disaster.

It was further argued (by another friend) that

coffee + disaster = crutches

This is very nice, but it seems to me,

disaster = crutches

just as well as

coffee + disaster = crutches.

The crutches are because of the disaster, not the coffee.

I think coffee + disaster = laundry

Now if we add crutches to each side,

coffee + crutches + disaster = crutches + laundry

This is believable. Now, if we substitute using the original expression, we obtain

2 disasters = crutches + laundry

This make sense. Crutches from, say, a car wreck, and laundry from spilling your coffee. Two separate disasters.

Someone also pointed out that

disaster + crutches does not necessarily equal coffee.

Well, that's because,

disaster - crutches = coffee.

Think about it. If you had a disaster and you didn't have any crutches, you'd be stuck in a chair all day. If that happened to me, I would definitely drink a lot of coffee. Also, if we add crutches to both sides, we get,

disaster = crutches + coffee, which is just a rearrangement of where we started.

I look like I know what I'm doing

When the Chandler jazz festival was happening, I was sitting in 98 South wine bar, enoying a flight and a piece of fish (don't remember what exactly it was now). See my posting from a couple months ago, for a description of the jazz festival. I had a bunch of books with me, as usual. This is because:

* I'm single.
* I don't have many friends who are willing to spend between $20 and $40 to hear jazz over dinner, and make up for it by eating fritos for lunch all week.
* When I'm eating, I don't like to just sit and stare.
* I actually like reading.
* I always bring my wine journal to 98 South, when I go. You see, at the rate I go through wine at home, it would take me an eternity to fill up my wine journal. But an empty wine journal isn't as cool as a full one. So I bring it with me to restaurants and write about the wines I taste. This helps it to fill up at least faster (still not fast). It worked out especially well this night, because I ordered a flight. Also, the whole point of the journal is that I won't forget the wine...it's easier to forget when you just have one glass and you don't even have the bottle at home.

Well I was sitting there eye-ing, sniffing and tasting one of my wines, and this guy came over from the lounge and asked me if I was evaluating the restaurant! If I hadn't been so surprised, and if the jazz hadn't been so loud, I would have said yes, and gone along with it; but I was so surprised by it that I just said, "Oh, no! I'm just taking notes on the wine," or something like that.

So he replied, "Well you just looked like you knew what you were doing. Do you have any suggestions?" I told him what I was drinking and what I thought of it. He thanked me and probably ordered what I recommended. It was an odd experience. It was like, just for a moment, I knew how Robert Parker feels when he eats out (that is, when he eats). I think next time I go there, I'll actually TRY to look the part, and be ready to oblige. It's like Kurt Vonnegut says. "You are what you pretend to be."

binary

I know most of you have probably seen this, but since I'm such a nerd, I thought it was hilarious:

There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.

Objectivity

Yesteray, I watched the news, which is usually a mistake. I really just want to see the weather report. But why do that, when I can get it off the internet anyway? They showed a home video of a tornado tearing up some farmland and houses, and they said it was a video of "what appears to be a tornado."

Why do they have to do that? Do they honestly think the video is fake? Do they really think I'm sitting at home, thinking, "Oh! It just APPEARS to be a tornado...Lord knows you can't believe what you see these days...I'm glad those anchors have their heads on straight, or I might just blindly believe this stuff!"

It pisses me off, because they act like they're presenting nothing but the most raw facts possible. They are carefult to say it "appears to be a tornado," while their editors are sitting behind the scenes choosing stories and footage with implications that are in line with what they want their newscast to appear to say.

Morons.

This is better.

I did it:

To take the theological quiz, click here.

Also, pay a visit to my brother.

So Smart

As you all know by now, I pretty much a genius. Well I finally figured out how to make a link in html! So now I can do this:

To take the quiz, click

here

.

Also, pay a visit to my

brother

.

Okay, I admit that is a very crude version of what I meant it to look like, but still, I managed to make a couple of links, and that should count for something. Just watch...I'll have holographic videos going on on my blog, before you can say, "Non mi piace questo regazzo, che' si chiama "Allan", perche' e' molto antipatico e anche e' stupido!"

I'm postmodern!!!

My brother found this quiz online where you can find out how to classify your theological worldview. According to the results, I am roughly equal parts postmodern, neo-orthodox and Weslyan:

Emergent/Postmodern 75%
Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 71%
Neo orthodox 71%
Classical Liberal 46%
Roman Catholic 39%
Reformed Evangelical 32%
Modern Liberal 25%
Charismatic/Pentecostal 25%
Fundamentalist 11%

Strangely, I came out second-lowest on Pentecostal, even though that's the sort of church I'm supposed to be from. Maybe I'm going through some kind of rebelious stage...Nope. That's not it.

It seems like postmodern should be the opposite of orthodox (you can check out my brother's related comment at thepresspot.blogspot.com).

Anyway, I thought this was fun. You can take the quiz if you want. Since I'm an idiot, I don't know how to link the address to the word 'quiz', so just hit the link below okay? And enjoy it! Or if I'm such an idiot that it doesn't even show up as a link at all, you can just copy the address into your address bar. Work with me here.

http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=43870

Are you for real?

I've been meaning for weeks now to tell you about a weird experience.

As I approached the post office, which is at kind of a funny intersection, I was cautious as usual, and it paid off, because a 25-year-old ex-frat-boy in a pickup ran a stop sign and would have hit me if I hadn't stopped (I didn't have a stop sign). The following conversation followed:

Me: beep! (apparently a mistake...)

Arrogant truck guy: [hands in the air and an expression that says, "What?"]

Me: You ran stop sign.

Him: What?

Me: There's a stop sign right there (pointing).

Him: Well if there's a stop sign there, where's it at?

Me: It's right there (pointing).

Him: Well where is it?

Me: It's RIGHT THERE! (I took care to point as directly as possible toward the stop sign which was about 10 yards away).

Him: If it's right there, where is it?

Me: [squinting to make sure I didn't imagine the stop sign]

Him: A lot of staring

Me: Whatever, I don...[interupted]

Him: That's What I Thought!! [drives off]
==========================================
Now what the h*** is that supposed to mean? This story happened months ago, but I didn't post it, because I started thinking I was going crazy, so I drove by and made sure the stop sign was actually there. And it was. So I don't know what arrogant truck guy's problem is, but I'm sure glad he didn't hit me. I hate to think what sort of story he would have come up with for the police/judge.